Wednesday, February 2, 2011

good news and bad

the good news is my cholesterol is down from 350 to 280 the bad news is my cholesterol is 280. the crappy thing about that is Heidi has now made it her personal mission in life to kick my butt into a healthier state which includes limiting my fast food intake. the five guys will probably now go out of business.
here are the questions I have. if chicken is better for you than beef, is fried chicken good for me? if fried food is so bad why does it taste so good? have you ever had the double down? its two breaded and fried chicken breasts holding bacon and cheese, is that not heaven sent? why is wheat bread so freakin dry? I nearly choke on my now wheat bread sandwiches. why does it take so many vegetables and fruits to have a five star day on my calorie counter? and why when you take a good for you vegetable like corn and cook it into fluffy pops and cover it with butter does it all of a sudden transform into a delicious bucket of heart attack?

when I die I want to have a bacon double cheese burger in one hand, curly fries in the other, a tube of milk shake running into my mouth, a tube of sausage running directly into a vein and two crisp strips of bacon stuffed up each nostril. I'll grab a double down when I get to heaven cuz obviously thats where they come from. then cremate my body then if someone wouldn't mind flying over Krakatoa and dropping my ashes in so that when that sucker blows I'll be a world traveler. and everyone who comes to the funeral gets chicken strips and a bowl of ranch. at the grave site I would like someone to pass out doughnuts, churros, and funnel cakes. then everyone go home and laugh at all the stupid stuff I've done like stealing a love meter. yes I stole a love meter. why wouldn't I, every time I gave it a quarter it gave me compliments!

4 comments:

American Mom said...

You are too funny!
Hey - almost happy birthday to you and happy birthday to Max- he's 9 right!?!

Mostly Broken said...

oh thank you, you are welcome to come the the party. laser tag, pizza and bowling and no i'm not five. oh btw anyone coming let me know and its 15 bucks a piece and I can't pay for everyone sorry but it will be a blast. and yes max is turning 9 in about a week.

Kristi said...

i've been wanting to try the chicken for a bun sandwich thing, or would it be considered a burger?
jer and i looked up tickets to come to the bash, $400 a pop isn't do-able. wish we were there for it.

Rook said...

Suffer fool! You should have chosen better genes, like mine! Ha, ha, ha ha, gasp sputter.