Sunday, March 28, 2010

snaz it up

its time to snaz up this blog. i been meaning to get it done for a while but have not made it happen yet. i need some suggestions on where to find blog dresses that will fit my figure and style. hip, awesome and hot are some of the words i hear from groups of people i walk past so my blog dress needs to fit this criteria as well. so if anyone has a link to such an awesome site that would be sweet. i did a search for ugliest blog on the block and did not find what i was looking for. it really seems like that would be a real site so not sure what the crap is going on.
oh and some household news; i walked in my house today and could smell cat so out they went into the garage. the mother cat was a bit confused. i think she thought that since she had some "cute" kids she was now allowed to live inside. she was mistaken and i kicked her promiscuous little hind end to the garage. we put a small heater out there and built a little tent to hold the heat in so the kittens don't get too cold. i named them fry sauce and pepper but was out voted and they will probably end up with lame names like cuddles and smoochie or some barf crap like that.

moldy blog take over

i have been working on this list of top ten worst ways to die. its a little gruesome and a little funny slash weird. its been an odd exercise of writing. i will soon be finished with it and move on. sorry to anyone who was grossed out by it. it was meant to make you cringe and laugh at the same time.

i recently took up a new hobby. i have been posting on someone else's blog. they have no idea yet. it makes me laugh because i post in the comments and so no one reads it. well i read it and it is funny to me. i was thinking of trying to figure out their password and make real posts but then everyone who is a follower will know about it so i am keeping it my secret... well until now and i told 14 people. its been good times for sure. i like to post the news that is going on in their life that they have forgotten to put up. anyway i may start looking for more moldy blogs to hi jack once they get wind of it.

number 2

this one max came up with on his own. the funny thing, he didn't know I was doing this list, he had not heard anyone talking about this kind of stuff or anything. he just was sitting in the back seat of the car and started talking. its short but sweet.

you are looking at the sun for a long time and go blind then you are cutting down a tree with a chainsaw and slip and cut your stomach and all your guts come out. the end

Saturday, March 20, 2010

number 3

you are coming home late from work. your car dies on the highway in the woods. no cell tower near you, you hike back to town and buy a battery. walking back to the car carrying the battery and you see someone jumping your car to steal it. you start to run and trip and fall over the guard rail and off a cliff. you lay there with broken bones and can't move. the battery is on top of you and leaking acid all over you. as it eats your flesh, in the distance you can hear some campers listening to music loudly. they keep playing songs from the police and rod stewart. the end

number 4

you are alone for the weekend, you are doing the dishes and your wedding ring slips off and falls down the disposal. you reach in to get it and while fishing around your other hand hits the switch and it grinds your hand up. you can barely move from the blood loss. there is a big hail and wind storm and you hear something crash through the basement window. a few hours later you are laying on the floor trying to get the streangth to get to a phone. you reach the phone and find the lines are dead. a family of killer quail has found the open window and come in for shelter. they have just been bitten by vampire frogs and they finish the transformation in your basement then come up stairs attracted by the scent of blood. you are lying on the floor watching viscous killer vampire quail coming over the top stair. the end.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

top ten worst ways to die.

number 10
you get into a grizzly car accident with a grizzly bear, she dies but her young start eating you. you go into a comma and are out for eleven years. you wake up and your spouse has fallen in love with the doctor and they are making out in your room. the nurse comes in and gives you the bill, you go to grab it but the grizzlies ate your arm. then the doctor slips you something and you go back into a comma but you can hear everything people say. you learn there are no more pigs which means no more bacon. everybody is talking about turkey bacon and how they can't tell the difference. you go crazy trying to yell at them. then you hear the doctor and your spouse plotting your murder and it involves poison injected with a needle into your eye. the end.

number 9
you are out sport fishing with your long lost uncle, you find out he is crazy rich and he wants to leave his money to you. he is very sick and will die soon. you stand up to get another drink and slip and fall on the knife you have been using to cut up bait, you are all cut up and bleeding. you get dizzy from the site of the blood, you trip and fall into the water and get all tangled up in some ropes. then you see great white sharks coming at you. all of a sudden an alien ship puts a tractor beam on your boat and starts to drag it out to the ocean, you get dragged behind the boat moving at a high rate of speed and sharks are following you, you can see them getting closer and closer. one grabs you just as the alien's beam you aboard. they decide to do an autopsy but get confused because you have a shark on your head they inject the shark with poison and kill it but start cutting you up, they pull all your guts out then the lunch bell rings and they all go on break you lay there with a shark on your head and your guts on the table till you die. the end

number 8
you are flying a plane and some kid with a pellet gun shoots at you during take off and you don't notice the leak in the fuel tank. you get over the desert and see some people stranded, they shoot a flare up to signal you and it catches the stream of fuel on fire and you watch it as it comes closer to the plane. you jump out thinking it will explode then the fire goes out and you watch the plane fly away safely. the people who are stranded come running up. they are so hungry they try to eat you. you smack them off with your shoes but can't get to sleep that night because they keep watching you holding forks and knives and napkins tucked in their shirts. the next day you get a really bad sunburn trying to get away from them. you get lost then find shade and try to sleep. you wake up to find your pillow is a baby Sasquatch and his mom is crazy mad at you, she beats you with a stick and leaves you for dead. you wake up to see a scorpion sitting on your chest. it stings you and you can't move. in the distance you see the cannibals looking for you. the end.

number 7
you are playing baseball as a major league pro. you just signed a multi million dollar contract. you are stealing second base and catch a line drive to the head. you're dizzy and don't know what way is up. suddenly there is an earth quake and you are swallowed up by the earth. you start digging to get out but you are digging the wrong way and dig to the center of the earth. you get to the middle and fall into a huge cave with a lake of molten lava. you are screaming and screaming as you burn then notice giant vampire moles coming out of their caves followed by millions of foot long cockroaches. the end

number 6
you have a popular late show on tv. the network decides to give you a better time slot. then you realize you work for nbc. the end

number 5
you are an alien. you and a bunch of buddies decide to fly down to earth with some boards and ropes and do some crop circles with your prom dates. the limo ufo drops you off and then runs to fuel up while you do the crop circles. his gps (galaxy positioning system) is out of whack and he runs into the moon. you are stranded with your prom dates on an alien planet with no dinner. you hear farmer joe coming with dogs and a big shot gun. you all run for the hills, you find a cave and run inside and hide. its cold and dark and your date is complaining. the next morning a bunch of guys in camouflage armed with guns catch you. they load you into a truck and throw a tarp over it. you are taken to a big building surrounded by tanks and helicopters and guys with guns. you are held there for days. you can see your date in the next room and your buddy is hitting on her. you find out your dad has been looking for you and threatened to blow up the earth unless you are released. they all say they are sorry and give you some ice cream. its peanut butter and you don't know you are allergic to peanuts, you fall on the floor and your buddy runs up to ask if its ok to switch you dates, you realize your about to die and don't have time to kick the crap out of him. the end

the rest will be up later...


our little adopted cat is living a lifestyle that we do not teach in our home and the result of it is two new kittens. the looser no job father has not been seen for weeks and I am sure she will be wanting me to pay for her two little furry illegitimate children. i saved her little abandon butt from an apartment and this is how she repays me?! max and heidi are smitten by the little fur-balls and have had a bunch of visitors over to see the little wretches. i'm sure the cat is just loving all the attention and thinks this is a great way to get what she wants. "hey if i'm not getting the love i need i'll just pop out a litter of kittens and everybody will be all over me, with food and treats and petting and electric heaters." she is such a little plotter. if she insists on living such a lifestyle I will require she be fixed. i don't want to turn into the cat lady or some weird crap like that. ok so i set up the electric heater and i was the one who kept checking the box to see why she wouldn't leave it the past couple days. and i was the one who found the little guys and they are cute but i'm not gonna get suckered into her little attention trap!
(i'll post photos later.)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

attitude adjustment

before i start this post i want to first say this is not a feel sorry for me or any such, i just realized some things today and thought i would put them up. life has been going pretty well for us but we recently hit a few bumps. the furnace started acting up and had to be replaced, then all three cars check engine lights came on, well one a while ago but the other two joined in the party and last night we found a leaking pipe threatening to drop the basement ceiling and some interesting mold.
at one point i expressed some frustration with a bad attitude it was about 30 seconds long and i realized it was all just a test and that so far i was failing. i decided to get my attitude back in line and think of things a different way. i bet the pioneers would love to have my two trucks with check engine lights on. they would be amazed at what could be done with a rough running truck even if it only lasted till the tank went empty. thank goodness i have a furnace to act up and at least it wasn't the water heater too. and we found the leak and its in a pretty accessible spot where i wont have to pull down the drywall and at least its clean water not sewage. and i bet there are people in hati and chili or any number of places on earth that would love to trade for my troubles so i better stop whining like a spoiled brat and be glad I have the tools and know how to fix my own junk.
we got a great deal on a furnace and i replaced it my self, it was kind of fun and a bit of a pain in the rear. one truck probably just needs new spark plugs and i know how to do that. the other probably needs an oil change or other scheduled maintenance and the car needs a new cam censer and that will be less then 200 bucks (first quote was 600+)i can fix the pipe for a few bucks and a couple slivers, i handle mold all the time so no biggie. at the end of it my wife will think i'm a super hero and she will probably jump into my arms and kiss me on the mouth so it comes out pretty positive really.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

my crawler

this is the crawler I just finished building and then went out and broke. stupid tree!
coah put the video together for me.