Wednesday, June 2, 2010

number one worst way to die

Lisa wanted me to finish my list so here it goes.

running through the woods trying to get away from a vampire you trip and fall down a steep hill, as you tumble you see a sharp spike sticking out of the ground that you are hopelessly heading straight at. despite your efforts to move one way or the other the shape of the hill keeps funneling you straight at it. finally you accept the fat that it will impel you and the vampire will find you and you will be stuck on a stick while a vampire sucks your blood like a little shishkabob. you close your eyes and wait for the impact. you finally come to rest and open one eye to view the damage and notice you missed the stick by only an inch. you look up to the top of the hill and see the vampire looking around for you. you hold still and watch, you realize he can not see you and hold still and wait. after a few moments he gives up and leaves. you realize you are lost in the forest, the hill is too steep and muddy to climb and the temperature is dropping you know it will be below freezing and you begin to look for shelter. you end up stacking sticks and branches against a log and crawling under it. there is enough room for a small fire in the hut so you gather small material for a fire. once you have it all together you lite it with your lighter and start to warm your self. then you here the vampire walking around so you know you have to put out the fire, there is nothing you can use and he is getting closer so you sit on the fire. it burns and the pain is incredible but you keep quite and watch as he walks right by your front door and does not notice your hut. you watch as he sits on the log and you can hear him sniffing, he sits and sniffs for a couple hours, you are cold, wet, muddy with burned buns. spiders start to wander into your hut and climb on you but you can't move, they climb all over you and you fell several bites. finally the vampire leaves. you wait another hour before you finally relax and start to move. you pull your lighter out to start the fire and it wont light. you start to rub sticks together but your hands are so cold they are numb and its difficult to feel what you are doing. after an hour or so your finally get a fire started. you start to warm up just as the sun comes up. you wander out of your hut and look around. about fifty yards from your camp you see a small farm house. you rush to the house and bang on the door. an old farmer meets you at the door with a shot gun. you tell him you were lost in the forest and he finally lets you in. he gives you a ride back to town and you wright a book about that night in the forest. everyone loves the story and hollywood is calling for the movie rights. then one day you are at a book signing and look up to see the first person in line is the vampire. you jump up and run as fast as you can to get away, as you run across a golf course you are hit by a line drive and knocked unconscious. they pick you up in an ambulance and on the way to the hospital there is a massive accident and you break nearly every bone in your body. as you lay in the hospital with every limb in a cast and completely tied up the doctor walks in looking at his clipboard. he lowers the clip board and you can see his face. its the vampire! the end


Craig Christiansen said...

YIKES! Agreed. That truly is the number one worst way to die. I'm certainly glad for the fat that I didn't get impeled though.

Mostly Broken said...

this was a play off a game we did as kids at scout camp it was a "and then" thing, the other one we would play was called "what if" we also as a family would start a story and pass it off around the room and see where it went each taking about a 1 minute turn. it usually turned into a big run on but we all had fun with it.