Sunday, August 30, 2009

Get Rich Quick Schemes That Really Do Work.

I am a genius, as many of you know, and as such many people have asked me how to obtain fame and fortune in this life. Naturally I am above material things except for big houses, nice cars, huge yachts, beach front property, small jets, pringles and game systems. oh and puppies.
So I have decided to compose a list of my top get rich quick schemes that can work for you.

The first is simple. First a man (or woman) with a drinking problem hides their addiction well enough to get a job driving truck. Then gets hired by a top beer company. While drunk, drives their truck and crashes into you causing minor injuries but a major lawsuit. Good luck, but really any decent lawyer could get you a truck load of cash. If you need help selecting an attorney, consult the back of your phone book. shazam! see the stars are moving into place already!

The second is almost as simple and with even less steps. First memorize all the harry potter books. Then invent a time machine. Travel back in time and wright the books yourself. shazam a library full of cash. The reason you have to memorize them is obvious, because just like in the back to the future movies things will start to disappear. You don't want to get half way through the half blood prince and have the book you are copying start to vanish. You would have to think up the rest on your own and that's like a couple thousand pages.

The third I hesitate to share as it is the one I am currently working on myself. The basic principal is that aliens will come down and ask me to be their personal guide on a tour of the earth. When I explain to them it will take money and that I have none, they will simply give me a few "out of this world gadgets" to patten and sell. Then they return and we go on tour. As we tour around the world they will find it handy that the guide know all the languages of earth. Knowing it would take a lifetime to learn them all, they will simply hook me up to their mind machine and program my brain with the needed info. Once I have learned where the machine is and how it works I simply sneak in while they are distracted looking at the man with all the tattoos and hook my self up to the guitar program. In minutes I become the greatest guitarist in history and shazam I'm rich and can play the guitar. The money wouldn't come from the inventions, just the yacht and the jet. The real money is in the guitar playing as I prefer to work for my money.

The fourth is probably the easiest and quickest. You learn real estate investing from a game. Then go find a mortgage broker who knows how to "work the numbers" and get a bunch of properties then wait for someone to offer you more then you paid for them and shazam a house full of money.


Tams said...

Yay! I'm so glad you wrote!!! Finally. ;) Question. If you copied the Harry Potter Books BEFORE you go back intime, shouldn't they stay? Because it's paper that YOU wrote on???

Urmston Mom said...

shazam is the word of the day and I am still not rich. Crap