I just Blogged on myself

The California Birthday Trip

2012-02-12T18:11:00.001-08:00

Heidi surprised me with a trip to California for my Birthday,it was good good times. We hung out with Krystie and Jer and did somebeaching it up, surf museum and just all around fun.

Of course the weather was great except maybe a bit overcast the last

day but nicer than Utah in February.

The best part is I finally got myself a Little Mermaid photo,I have always wanted one!

Valentines Date

2012-02-04T21:48:00.000-08:00

We did our valentines early this year and had dinner at the Chart House, it was awesome! Heidi planned it out, we had a view of the ocean as the sun set. the waves were big all night and we watched a bit of surfing as well. The resturaunt is a nice place, very nice actually, most people dress up fairly snazzy for it. for me that meant jeans without stains. We did a double date with Kristy and Jer and though we laughed a lot the funniest part was when some mother started haninging birthday decorations on the wall. Like hey lets go to a really nice place for your birthday and redecorate it! oh it was too funny, of course the manager had her take them down. probably because they already paid a decorator and the chrome "happy birthday" streamer didn't fit the motif.

Or 2011 Disneyland Trip!!!

2011-12-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

Swamp People

2011-11-20T08:27:00.000-08:00

Has anyone caught an episode or two of this History channel show?

It is so funny I just crack up watching it. Don't think I am making fun of these people because I'm not, I think they are adorable. I know a manly man such as my self should not use the word adorable but I have to with these people. They have the thick thick accents and wear the same clothes everyday and its fun to see them get excited about finding a gator on their lines. Ooooohhhhh that's a bigon there, shoot it shoot it!

My favorite part of these people is how much of their lives are centered on family. As soon as they shoot a big turkey for thanksgiving dinner they say "ohhhh mamas gonna be happy about that!"

There are two brothers with long beards and toothy grins that are sooo funny. "I got the guns lets go. Why you puttin on shoes?!" "Cuz its gettin cold, I gotta keep my feet warm somehae." They head off into the swamp looking for squirls and end up shootin a couple rabbits then come across a neighbor floating down the river and trade a rabbit for a couple of snappin turtles. Then who comes to dinner? the neighbor who traded for the rabbit. He got a rabbit then come over for turtle soup and a couple of bites of the other rabbit.

They get so excited about smokers and guns but for the most part they don't have much in the way of worldly possessions and don't seem to care much about them. They love to cook for big groups and invite everybody over. And they go on an on about how good the food is. And it must be because most of the good ol boys got a nice gut out front.

Life seems so simple for these people, go out and shoot something and bring it back for dinner and invite everybody over. I think they got it right in the swamp! Whats more enjoyable than food and family?

Most of the gater huntin crews are made up of father and son teams. When you're able to spend that much time with your son you have a pretty good chance he'll turn out decent.

Here's what they learn in the swamp, family first, your family depends on you for survival, all you need to provide is a boat, a gun, bait, line and hook, and someone to help drag the gater in, preferably family.

There is drama as well, but usually they blow off steam pretty quick and get back to business. They show real humility but at the same time pride in who they are. They give thanks to God for what they have and consider it a blessing to never need to leave the swamp to provide for their families.

You know your a man in the swamp when someone says "he shoots like John Wane" and you can stand in a boat and drag a 750 pound gater in nearly by yourself without tipping over. I know I can't do either of those things, so maybe I'm not as much of a manly man as I thought I was. I better go build something to make myself feel better.

Milagros

2011-11-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

Heidi took me to a newish Mexican place in Orem off of 8th north. Not sure how to pronounce the name but I must admit I have had fun in trying. Especially with my fake Hispanic accent.

I had a really fun time, my wife was as cute as can be in her little grey coat. She never took it off because I think they were running the ac in there even though it was like 30 degrees out and blowing like crazy, even I was cold but I can't eat with a jacket on.

The waitress a bubble of fun and loved Heidi's hair. It did look very nice by the way, which it pretty much always does. I can't remember our waitress' name but she wasn't gonna give an inch on my off the menu dish ideas I was trying to order. Good for her standing her ground but dang it I want a fish chimi!

I ordered the seafood quasidilla or how ever its spelled. I forgot to read the ingredients cuz I hate shrimp. It was actually really good even with the shrimp in it. I will try something else next time though. I like the seasoning and flavors the food had. I just wish they had Horchada. I know right how can it be Mexican without Horchada. The waitress said it was a low seller so they took it off the menu. Dang!

I think one of my favorite parts of the evening was a young man named Jackson Danger. I think he was about 13 to 14 and had a little hat and a guitar that he totted from table to table playing songs for the guests. He was a riot to watch and listen to. He had no qualms about going right up to adults eating dinner and telling them he was gonna play them a song. He knew his stuff too and was great on the guitar I couldn't believe how talented he was.

All in all it was a very fine date and lots of fun so if you are looking for a Mexican food experience try out Milagros, not perfect but for sure worth a try.B e sure to go on Friday nights to check out Jackson Dangerous. Take a few dollar bills too cuz he works on tips.

People who video tape stuff

2011-10-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

In life there are glorious and wonderful events going on all around us, graduations, fireworks, air shows, first steps and so on. Sometimes we feel so inspired by these events we want to cherish them forever. The obvious solution is to video tape it. But here is the result of video taping in my opinion.
You get out your little video taping machine and depending on how much you spent on the machine the smaller it is. Then instead of watching such a momentous occasion in real life splendor you are now watching through a tiny two inch by three inch screen to make sure you got it all. As you walk away from the awe-inspiring event listening to everyone talk about how great it was you beam with pride that you were smart enough to catch it on video. Then you tuck that little gem of a video safely away in a special pouch in your video taping machine carrying case that quadruples the size of you expensively compacted for convenience video taping machine. Now that precious memory is safe forever.
Some time down the road you may find yourself at another of life's grand events that requires video taping and be short on tape, you will frantically rummage through your giant bag for a blank tape to record the amazing things that are going on around you, sifting through cords and adapters, chargers and cases. You will come across your stash of tapes tucked safely away for future viewing and now you have a decision to make- which one of these is less valuable than the current wonderful event. By now your wife will have said two or three times "you're missing it". Quiet woman I'm looking in this bag! Finally after you have weighed each of these precious memories and decided which was of least value- you will pop it in and rewind it in time to catch the last few minutes of the momentous event you are currently there to see. Now you have successfully captured the last few minutes of your child's performance in a play and the tail end of a laser light and water show. Grand and wonderful moments in life caught on a video tape that will never leave the safe confines of a giant padded bag.

Are Tattoos really so unique?

2011-09-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a trip to Disneyland, it was a ton of fun. We did nearly everything the park had to offer.

While we were there I couldn't help but notice how many people have tattoos. It seems nearly everyone had at least one and most had many. They were plastered all over the body of the owner. Tattoos used to be a statement, a permanent mark of something you felt strongly about, now there are so many it's like a constant blast of rebellious advertising. Everybody all at once yelling- I'M A REBEL! I checked the stats to see how many Americans have tattoos, I was surprised to find only 24%, I would have guessed much higher by what I saw. For age 18 to 29 its 36% and growing quickly. The old tattoo artist saying of "the body is a blank canvas" isn't true anymore somebody doodled all over it.

Does your tattoo say who you are? I'm a complex person (or at least I like to think I am) I like lots of things. I don't think there is a tattoo that would really explain me very well. I like cars and jets and UFOs and motorcycles. I also like robots and TV, monster trucks, and helicopters. I like to hike and bike and swim. I'm a pro at slip and slide, I like surfing and snowboarding and wake boarding. I like sharks and tigers and snakes, birds of paradise. I like puppies and kitties. I like music too headbanging hard crap to classical and religious. What tattoo shows all that?? A spider web on my elbow? I can't even see that! The best place for me to see what I am showing off is on my arm or hand and whats right side up for me is upside down for everyone else. I have been inspired by lots of different sayings, I don't think I could pick one or even a dozen and if it was on me it would have to be miss spelled to really be me.

Most of the guys in my favorite bands sport tattoos and even full arm sleeves, and they look cool. I have even worn the fake arm sleeves for Halloween but my wife chucked them when she saw a sexy lady on them. I think the best tattoos are the tribal style that reflect who your people are, but I'm not from any tribe with cool looking designs. I'm just a white guy with danish roots. Do I get a tat of a good danish on my arm, I have never seen food tattooed on anyone. I think it would be lame, and make me hungry all the time.

I saw an old guy with his shirt off and a big ol' red devil covering most of his back. I wonder if he remembers he has that. I wonder if he is still such good buddies with the devil or if now that he has grand kids or is approaching the end of his life if he has a religious side. And why does the thing look like a magic marker drawing that has been threw the washing machine about 100 times too many. I really had to give it a good look to figure out what it was.

And then there is quality to consider one guy I saw on TV really loves his dogs so he had them plastered on his back. Two of them look kind of cartoonish and faded, now he has a new dog and a new artist who made it look like a photograph of his dog on his back, really nice work, but it really makes the other two look stupid.

To those who have them I mean no disrespect or to make fun I just don't understand. I have seen some that are cool but none that I would want to see everyday. Or make my loved ones see everyday. I have even considered getting one but the concept that has always stopped me is that- at some point I will grow up and then what? Will I really still love what I have done to myself?

people making comments please be aware I have friends and family who have strong feelings on both sides of this issue and I am not trying to turn my blog into a debate. its my blog where I express my feelings but I ask you to be considerate of my associations when commenting. people who read this know me but they may not know you.

Mikes Smoothies

2011-08-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

Mike gave me a recipe for smoothie's that's pretty good so I thought I would throw it up here, no pun intended.

it comes out to 3/4 to a 1 cup of crushed ice

4 apricots -remove the pits

3 to 4 table spoons of sugar depending on how sweet you like it

1/2 to 3/4 cup of milk, you can use water if you want

blend it

here are the modifications I have tried.

replace the sugar with agave, you can use less as well but its up to you

half a peach, half a banana, 2 apricots

1 banana and 2 tablespoons of hot cocoa mix

For guys who don't think of the mushy stuff here it is broken down for you in terms you can understand.

2011-08-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Sunday we had a lesson on having a happy marriage, he gave an analogy that I didn't like but the idea sparked my own thoughts and I figured this is a good place to put them down. It applies best to men or more specifically men who love cars. It's not perfect but it gives a perspective so here it is.

Imagine your relationship as an exotic super car, it could be a Ferrari or Lamborghini, Porsche or anything you are interested in . First off they don't give these things away- you have to earn it, because it has value. So put the effort in, with a car you have to build wealth to purchase it with a marriage you have to build yourself into to something others would value. It's value for value remember you want a super car not a beat up rusty vw beetle. If you are already married did you put yourself in debt, do you owe someone something for what you got of high value?

Once you have obtained your dream car you obviously treat it differently than you would anything everyday, you drive it different you park it different. You don't take it places it shouldn't be, (bad neighborhoods, walmart parking lot) you protect it. If you hear strange sounds you have it checked out- waiting could cost you time and money.

A major fight could cause big problems in a marriage and even end it if its a problem that has been ignored for some time. If the transmission goes out you get it replaced because your super car still has value- so does your marriage, get it fixed. It may need a dent repair or a paint job, it may even need a major overhaul of most of the main components but ask yourself this, who was driving when all this damage was done? In reality the condition of the car is your responsibility. You may decide to not have the transmission fixed, its your choice but now all you can do is keep it in the garage and wash it, let your friends see it when they come over but you will never have real enjoyment until it's back on the road. You may not be able to fix everything that is wrong but there are people who can so get it to a shop if it needs it, it might be a little embarrassing to let people see you have a problem you can't fix but if they are close to you they have already heard the sounds of a problem as you have driven by.

Yelling at your car will get you no where, just make you look like an out of control idiot, same with marriage. To get where you want to go you have to take the appropriate steps, unlock the door, get in, put the keys in the ignition and start it. Put it in gear give it some gas and steer it where it needs to go. A marriage requires the same actions unlocking is trust, starting it is letting her know you care, getting in is getting involved, putting it in gear is making effort, giving it gas and steering is leading by example.

Regular maintenance would be weekly date night, and once a year maybe change the tires, take it some place where it will be treated right and spend some money.

The comparisons can go on and on but the bottom line is it requires attention and effort if you want to keep it as something you enjoy.

Why won't my fish die!

2011-08-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

One day we were locking up a vacant home, the girl who grew up in the house married the boy next door and they just happened to be living in his parents basement at the time, she came over to make sure she didn't have any stuff left there. I noticed the fish on the counter, it was I believe October and the power had been off for a while. It seemed to be floating on one side then would flinch and roll over and float on the other side. I asked the girl if she was going to take it home with her. She was quite surprised it was still alive since the family had moved out in November. That's right the fish had been on the counter through the winter and almost a year. Somehow it had survived. I fed it and it seemed like it had forgotten what food was, it just floated next to it, then something in it sparked and it started eating again, after about a half hour it was swimming around like a normal little fish. Well I couldn't just leave it there so when the girl said she wasn't going to take it I asked if I could take it home, Max's fish had just died like the month before.

Well here we are now like two years later and it's still alive! I thought gold fish only lived a year but something must have happened in that toxic waste pit of a tank and mutated this little guy because he seems to be immortal. Maybe he is the Wolverine of gold fish. I need to change his name, Mr. Fishy doesn't really fit a mutant fish how about Logan Scott Monroe

Cali Trip

2011-08-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

Just got back from California, got a tan and a few bruises trying to surf. Heidi got some sort of insect bite on her foot and it doesn't seem to want to go away. We got a lot of beach time and family time. Lots of fun for sure. Only caught one wave surfing but got a ton boogie boarding and you never need much of a wave to skim board. Heidi read some books and tried the boogie boarding, she is pretty good at catching the waves. Kristi and Jer put us up for a couple days and the food was great throughout the entire trip, I haven't gotten on the scales to see the damage yet but once you look past the sunburn on my belly you will see I don't look too fat so hopefully I can just keep heading for my goal weight without out too much set back. Heidi wants to go again so we can hit Disneyland but that will have to be after school starts up again. Can't stand it when its busy.

More Summer Fun

2011-07-25T16:25:00.000-07:00

Heading for the beach tomorrow for a week of sun, surf, family and food. Should be some seriously good times. So glad I have an awesome wife who plans and preps this kind of thing to minimize the stress factor and maximize the fun. good job Heidi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME AND MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer Fun

2011-07-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

So far this summer has been packed with fun. We have hiked a little, done dinner a few times up the canyon over a fire, had marshmallows and smores, hot dogs and good good times around the camp fire. The little fire pit in the back yard has been used as well a few times. We have had more pop corn than you can shake a stick at.

Max and I have had sword fights, staff fights, invisible power fights, blanket fights, tag on the tramp, worked on plumbing, mowers, bikes and rc cars and all together toooooo much time on the video games. The other day we went skim boarding in a flooded field, at first it was cold and painful but once the feet were numb it was good times, every once in a while we had to warm our feet up so we could feel the board or else you just fall off. There was a perfect balance of numbed and feeling to be able to do it. If that makes any sense.

We have also done seven peaks and trafalga a couple times. We have gone bowling, and done some arcade, watched people surf in a pool and fly in a cage.

I have gone mountain biking and done one of the most difficult and technical trails I have ever been on and remembered how much I love it. Losing weight has really increased the enjoy-ability of biking I must say. Can't wait to go again.

The annual Home Stead trip was a couple weeks ago and filled with good food, family and fun. We played volley ball, bad mitten, frisbee and swam till we were sick.

I scored high points with my very thoughtful birthday gift for my lovely bride, a pretty blue beach cruiser, she loves it. We have gotten full use out of the scooter we bought. I have found entertaining ways to carry junk on it so I don't have to take the car.

The other day I got to replace my ball joints in the truck (HARD), it was fun to work on a real vehicle again, best truck ever, I love driving it, it is so choice, if you have the means I highly recommend picking one up. I'll get some photos up later of our summer fun so far.

Nissan juke makes me want to puke

2011-05-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

I saw the ugliest cross over suv thing ever today. its the Nissan juke and I think it may actually be a Nissan joke, the guys were sitting in a meeting and said how ugly can we make a car and hype it up and get Americans to buy it? they all had a good laugh and drew some pictures of the juke which is probably a cross over name from puke and joke. I know nothing about this dog, but unless it can do 0-60 in under 4 seconds or it can fly there is no reason to learn anything about it in my opinion. but I am an uneducated moron so don't go by me. But if you were wondering it even comes in puke color!

In my opinion the Prius sucks.

2011-04-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

The next blog is all just my opinion, I hope to not offend anyone or hurt feelings but lets be honest this blog is funner with my strong opinions being shared openly and honestly.

I hate the Prius, I can't wait for this dumb little car to die, why? I'm a car guy at heart and the american love affair with cars is still alive in me. I love that they are making new cool cars, we went nearly thirty years without much quite honestly but what I don't love is the Prius. Its ugly and dumb in my opinion. If you own one well you may have not really known what you were getting so lets start with what your reasoning was.

"I wanted to save money on gas." well how long do you have to own that little thing before it pays for itself? lets be honest the upfront cost will probably never be realized in actual gas savings. calculate the cost over the price of another decent millage car then take the difference in millage and figure out your monthly savings then factor the number of years it will take driving it to pay the difference. don't cheat though you must figure in the cost of electricity and battery replacement. its all about total cost getting down the road. 23 grand for a Prius and 50 mpg (yeah right) verses something else that gets mid 30s to low 40s mpg for as little as 12 to 16 grand. in reality you may not need to replace the battery but after 150k it could be a real threat, so it could be another 4k to the price of getting down the road.

"I wanted to help clean up the environment." Ask yourself this- how much energy and pollutants were put out to dig up the metals that make your batteries? where did they have to ship them before they got to you? where do they go when they're dead? Truth is by the time you plug in that little bugger for your first clean drive you already polluted the environment more than if you had just bought a feakin SUV and drove it around the world a couple times. Not to mention where is your electricity coming from? burning coal is the probable answer or was it a dam (how good are those for the environment?) or maybe Nuclear (not such a good idea either).

"I wanted to use less gas." What kind of millage does it get when under a load, if the little electric motor never kicks in your actually getting about 17 miles to the gallon. I drive a full size truck and thats what I get. yup, push it to its limit around 75 mph and you will never see any savings at all.

In reality people often make decisions without knowing the real facts, if you want to save our environment- think and research first before you throw your cash away on an ugly polluting little devil like the Prius. electric is not the answer make the switch to CNG its clean and abundant. I recommend buying a used already converted vehicle. its reduce, reuse and recycle all in one. at our current price of 1.27 a gallon I save 2.32 per gallon against the 3.59 for regular gas, that adds up fast! and I only paid 5500 for my truck. I save money, help the environment and drive an F250 4x4. sure its ugly but hey I can tow your Prius out of a snow bank for ya.

p.s. we're both getting down the road for about 7 cents a mile. thats a Prius at its full rated 50 mpg highway.

just my two cents on it.

(edit)

so I did some math. if you bought a Prius for $23000 instead of a decent mileage car for $16000 getting mid 30s mpg- at current gas prices it would take 18.9 years to break even, at this point you will be over 226800 miles and most likely need battery replacement for another $4000 so now you would need to drive it another 10.8 yrs to break even at which point yo will be at 356400 miles and need another battery replacement at which point you will have owned the car for almost 30 years just trying to break even not even saving any money yet.

the new hundai's are getting in the 40 plus mpg and an Elantra starts just under $18000 and the Accent $14500 and last time I checked the warranty is much better.

gas prices are insane

2011-04-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feelin the pain folks, I can not believe gas prices are what they are! and its going to get worse! I just filled up my full size F250 work truck and the price on the pump was $1.27 a gallon. can you believe it? last fall it was under a dollar, of course it's down from a $1.52 after the first jump but still... I say we picket until it comes back under a buck.

But I can't complain too much because our unlucky friends who drive cars that run on gasoline are paying $3.59 a gallon, yikes! glad I got a CNG vehicle. Its like having a work truck that gets 50 miles to the gallon well just over 48 and a half I guess.

solution to the energy crisis

2011-04-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have several ideas that could solve some of our problems with energy. the main concern for most of us is cost the second would be environmental impact. after all we are all capitalists then tree huggers. first off the main problem with our cars we have to get around and we like to be independent about it, most of us would not set foot on a bus unless we had no choice or it was a benefit to our pocket book and it would have to be a big benefit. good for you if you do tho. I, like Pikkins or what ever his name is, would have to say the best and quickest and most cost effective would be to switch to natural gas, its clean, cheap and abundant, our skies would clear up pretty quick and we have our own, no need to go across the ocean for it. Ultimatly our goal for transportation should be in the direction of hydrogen. but thats a ways off so for now lets go natural.

I would also support geo thermal energy for heating and cooling our homes, it makes perfect sense to me, the earth stays a constant temperature just under the surface and all we need to do is use that energy, its free! we would have some cost for electrical to run it and up front costs are high. lets stream line the system and all get on board the cost will go down and the system pays for itself in 8 years. its more comfortable too.

we need to stop making electricity with coal burning plants and I think more dams are not that good of an idea, given recent events in Japan and all the crap being buried in my back yard (the west desert) I vote against nuclear power as well. we really need to get on the solar thing, make it more efficient and cost effective and lets run with it. we need to further explore wind and waves. any movement we can turn into electricity lets do it. digging up coal and hauling it then burning it just makes more of a mess, which is why I do not support electric cars. just because the junk isn't coming out your tail pipe doesn't mean there wasn't junk put in the air to get you down the road. and think about where those batteries come from and how they are made and where they go when their dead. its not as clean as you think.

just a couple of my cents on the subject.

sites and searches that may refer you to my blog

2011-04-10T08:41:00.001-07:00

Referring URLs

http://dmaeigifford.blogspot.com/

http://kristiandjer.blogspot.com/

http://hewardfamily.blogspot.com/

http://www.ajharmon.blogspot.com/

http://ajharmon.blogspot.com/

http://remroom.ru

http://getdentalimplantsinfo.com/health/do-your-know-the-common-indicators-of-tooth-pain/

http://kristiandjer.blogspot.com/2010/07/san-diego.html

http://pingywebedition.somee.com

http://r1rk9np7bpcsfoeekl0khkd2juj27q3o-a-fc-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/ifr?url=http://www.google.com/friendconnect/gadgets/members.xml&container=peoplesense&parent=http://winterscale.blogspot.com/&mid=3&view=canvas&libs=google.blog&d=0.555.7&lang=en&communityId=01351485044493311430&caller=http://winterscale.blogspot.com/2011/03/life-is-fineabout-me-2.html#st=e%3DAOG8GaDH6I1AJG6fls0XTiVa%252B0t%252Br7ZO1ShtVwXEkxEXYSVJOxC6k6unL0ZwLneMHmvmGOt6H4BweWmwvDJINVcNbi0WST4bQWItwqQP7Bgvbd7SjwI6mFl7roD702CsLQ90DfzFgtkcwum7RrH79VCQidr74TpU%252Bu5Pq29bFd08f7QbJW2lASd%252Fn0W0OUab1nL%252FonolKh2TZYBhZLoGWmR6UQrc8482xXrN33%252FlR0UWj4a%252BWmGVGlV%252FMgWXl1mfvfJRIpehEsdEG8RaqkOW07%252B6EOCMUNVM5Q%253D%253D%26c%3Dpeoplesense&rpctoken=1812136683&

Referring Sites

dmaeigifford.blogspot.com

kristiandjer.blogspot.com

www.google.com

hewardfamily.blogspot.com

www.ajharmon.blogspot.com

ajharmon.blogspot.com

christiansen-clan.blogspot.com

vincentinsanity.blogspot.com

remroom.ru

www.vincentinsanity.blogspot.com

Search Keywords

top ten worst ways to die

scugby

top 10 ways to be killed by shark's

disneyland is awesome

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jack's moldy blog

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where in the world are my readers

2011-04-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting little tab on my blog that told me where people are that read my blog. here is some of that info

United States

749

Mongolia

Russia

South Africa

China

Malaysia

Netherlands

Spain

Poland

Canada

I have friends I never knew about. it also tells me what search got them there. among the top were worst ways to die and get rich quick.

Kind of funny I think. also the tracker tells me when people have been reading and how long they are on. It's been slow lately so it must be one of two things, no one likes the posts or the weather is getting better and people do not need online entertainment like they used to. either way it makes me feel less pressure to write since it is not being read. I know I just blogged on myself is not about being read its about being written but still it kind of feels lonely and empty and pointless.

but who cares I like to write, especially random and wreckless with a total disregard for spelling and puntuation and grammar and structior.

here is some news on whats up with us. ran a 5k with heidi yesterday, it was cold wet and snowy I burned a hole in my lungs or should I say froze a hole, sounds weird. it was a little neighborhood get together with proceeds going to a family with medical bills for their late daughter, sad. I came in last place behind ladies pushing carts with babies and ladies carrying babies in their bellies, small children, a dog and a dead duck. I was at the thirty min mark which was nice but someone cut the rout short and it was only 2.9 miles. what the freak I was robbed.

I am currently still writing my book, now at 73000 words and in need of a rewrite. the first happy potter was only 76000 words so I need to wrap it up soonish. I figure im just over halfway there. yikes

started a new rc build and did a rebuild of my rock crawler to make it a rock racer. the new build is a jeep, love the jeeps. im trying to make it look as real as I can. I cut out my chassis and found it is a bit too wide but with the servo where it is I cant make it much narrower so we'll see how it comes out. may have limited travel. I'll post up some photos and do a write up on it.

Exercise like you never knew was possible

2011-03-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

A short demonstration video of an interesting machine Cory and I found in a vacated home. If you don't get what is happening well- I'm not peddling the machine is doing all the work. I'm just trying to stay on. That was the beauty of exercise back in the day the Machine did the work for you and you just had to focus on avoiding bodily injury or death. This particular device has a feature that bucks you forward towards the handle bars. The handle bars and seat (both solid metal) act as a crushing device if you're not careful.

Sugar High

2011-03-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Is there any more efficient way to get your sugar into your system than drinking soda from a licorice straw? I don't think so.

Me and sugar have a long history together, it's a love hate thing. I can't seem to get away from it. When I was a kid I used to hide in the storage closet and spoon it raw. Afterwards I would come out all crazy and run around like a lunatic. My dad would yell "Who gave him sugar?!" then send me to run around the house five times. After running I would come in and jump in his lap and continue the insanity. He would usually throw me to the floor and send me to run around the house some more. I usually was laughing my head off uncontrollably the entire time. I would also grab the kool aid container as it got towards the bottom and drink it, thats where all the sugar would settle and it was like a sweet punch on the accelerator. My dad would try to get it away from me before I could guzzle it down but I have lightning quick ninja fighting reflexes and there was nothing he could do about it.

Later in life I still freak out with a good sugar high, afterwards I get really embarrassed about it and tell Heidi to stop me next time we get invited somewhere. She tries, bless her heart, but I go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hide when there's sugar around. We even have a code word but I usually ignore it.

Recently I found out that some of our friends plan the party around my sugar buzz and set out the things they know will trigger my addiction and subsequent high the quickest. If I don't start on my own they will pick up the candy bowl and offer it to me. If I have the will power to resist, (a really full stomach) you can see the look of disappointment in their faces.

Sugar, I hate you, please be mine forever!

the postal service

2011-02-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

Netflix is shipping to nearly every home in the country on a regular basis and still the postal service is struggling, what would happen if they stopped hauling garbage to my mail box. seriously it just goes straight to the trash can. I just threw out like a pound of paper and never looked at it. I don't want it, I don't need it and the trash heaps around the country could do without it as well. I would recycle it but they charge me more to recycle. its like a little delivery service for trash, someone with a truck full of trash drives by and puts a little of it in my mailbox then to the next and so on soon the truck is empty and goes home for the day. I go get it out of my little box and put it in a can and a truck drives by and picks it up and takes it to a big mountain of trash. couldn't they just skip a step and drive the little truck straight to the dump and leave me out of it? I opt out!

Heidi and her little scooter

2011-02-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

so cute!

congress and my dishes

2011-02-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

What do congress and my dishwasher have in common?

Neither do the job they are supposed to.

What does a congressmen in congress have in common with a dish in my dishwasher?

They both come out dirtier than when they went in.

I would like to thank the dirty buggers who passed the law taking the chemical out of dishwashing detergent that actually gets the freagin dishes clean!!

good ol' max

2011-02-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

Max has been wanting to watch a show for about a week or more now, he has suggested it a couple times for a family movie but we usually have something already planned. so today he was asking if he could watch it. the rule is homework and reading first. he put up a fuss but finally got his homework done. so he pops in the movie he wanted to watch and gets comfortable. about two minutes later I come in with the vacuum and start vacuuming. he turns it up louder, then louder and then louder. I laugh every time he turns it up. finally he cranks it way up and gives me a look like "are serious? you're vacuuming during my movie time. I was cracking up. the best part...he was watching Charlie Chaplin, a silent movie. he just wanted to hear that piano music for some reason. he is a funny kid.

Me and Max and some heli's

2011-02-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

Max got a little Heli for his birthday, it's one of my old ones but we had to do a little work and some upgrades to get it in the air again. After some fly time max's still looks the same but mine got about 30 seconds of fly time then decided to do a little destruction. blades, tail boom, landing gear, training gear, flybar and paddles all took heavy damage. Max was sad I had killed my heli but thought the wreck was awesome to watch. he hid in the truck bed just in case it got out of control. smart kid.

123

2011-02-13T08:16:00.000-08:00

Heidi ran a 5k on Saturday and came in under 32 min, good job H-D. Her number was 123. Max and I hung out at the park while she ran, Max had fun chasing ducks and poking holes in the ice on the pond and launching boats (twigs and bark) off the bridge to the river. We also found some big rat thing that lived at the edge of the pond, we got to watch him swim under the ice after Max tried to sneak up on him. Max prayed the night before that Heidi would win or at least come in first or second or third or fourth or fifth or eighth. Not sure where she ended up but it wasn't last place which is where she for sure didn't want to be so we are proud of her and it was a fun family outing on a crisp February morning.

more good news

2011-02-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

Heidi's hard work is paying off. I am eating healthier and have lost four pounds. I have spent a couple hours on the treadmill and last night was able to run for 40 min straight. I did some speed walking for the 20 min then kicked it up to a good run for the last 40. legs are tired today but I was impressed I could go so long. good job me and Heidi.

Eagle Scouts

2011-02-04T10:59:00.000-08:00

over the past few years I have been asked to write recomendation letters for sereval candidates. The thing I hate about this is that the kids never see the letter. I think that's lame! it goes off to some office and is read by someone who does not know the kid and either tossed or stuck in a file. well the trash guy and dust bunnies don't give a flyin hoot about it so I decided to post the lates one here. just a note Heidi was asked to write this but I just decided to pound it out for her and see if she liked it. she did and felt we were of the same mind I wrote it from her perspective since he has not really worked for me, so here it is. what I and heidi think of our friend Brett.

To Whom it may Concern

Brett Anderson is a wonderful young man and a joy to be around. He is honest and kind he cares for others and is aware of those who are feeling down and makes an effort to comfort them. He has a passion and great love for literature and theater and art, he shows great skill in organizing planning and directing plays. He is a very talented actor and we (friends, family and associates) expect that he will excel in the arts and look forward to watching him progress and develop his talents. He is loyal without question to friends and loved ones. He is a good listener and can see both sides of a topic and can discuss without conflict sensitive subjects. He is an asset to any organization he is a part of and I have really enjoyed his company and his ability to draw people close to him as we have worked together. He is focused on the assignments I have given him and is able to complete them following my instructions. He is also service minded and I know I can count on his help and support for service projects.

good news and bad

2011-02-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

the good news is my cholesterol is down from 350 to 280 the bad news is my cholesterol is 280. the crappy thing about that is Heidi has now made it her personal mission in life to kick my butt into a healthier state which includes limiting my fast food intake. the five guys will probably now go out of business.

here are the questions I have. if chicken is better for you than beef, is fried chicken good for me? if fried food is so bad why does it taste so good? have you ever had the double down? its two breaded and fried chicken breasts holding bacon and cheese, is that not heaven sent? why is wheat bread so freakin dry? I nearly choke on my now wheat bread sandwiches. why does it take so many vegetables and fruits to have a five star day on my calorie counter? and why when you take a good for you vegetable like corn and cook it into fluffy pops and cover it with butter does it all of a sudden transform into a delicious bucket of heart attack?

when I die I want to have a bacon double cheese burger in one hand, curly fries in the other, a tube of milk shake running into my mouth, a tube of sausage running directly into a vein and two crisp strips of bacon stuffed up each nostril. I'll grab a double down when I get to heaven cuz obviously thats where they come from. then cremate my body then if someone wouldn't mind flying over Krakatoa and dropping my ashes in so that when that sucker blows I'll be a world traveler. and everyone who comes to the funeral gets chicken strips and a bowl of ranch. at the grave site I would like someone to pass out doughnuts, churros, and funnel cakes. then everyone go home and laugh at all the stupid stuff I've done like stealing a love meter. yes I stole a love meter. why wouldn't I, every time I gave it a quarter it gave me compliments!

If I had to chose

2011-01-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

Writing is one of my favorite things to do. when I was fifteen and through a good part of my adult hood working on cars was awesome, I still love it but it can get old not to mention frustrating, cars are so compact and complicated now. I hate busting skin and knuckles. I love my new rc heli and I have loved doing rc cars but of all of it, if I had to chose one- it would be to write. It is as satisfying to me as taking a completed car to a show or seeing my heli in the air or finishing a new rc crawler build. hearing someone likes my work is an awesome feeling. I have been working on my book for nearly two years. I have stumbled, paused, rewritten, lost some and hated some of it but I still continue. one day I will finish my book and it will be published even if I have to pay out of my pocket and give it away for Christmas, birthdays or go door to door to share the message (I've done that before).

If any of my blogging friends are interested I would love to share the link with you where I keep it as a google doc. I am also looking for some help busting it down into chapters so if anyone wants that task let me know. I know it is frustrating to read and wait for more to be written and I thank those of you who have been so patient, please keep it up, your input means the world to me. I am now at the half way point at 56000 words at least I hope I am, its hard to sell something new above 100k words.

none of my hobbies I have wanted to turn into a career until now. If I could make it happen I would love to do it with writing. my father in law jokes about me being able to make up a story as fast as I can tell it, writing it down just seemed like the next step so here we are. oh by the way if you ask for the link I will hound you for input so be sure you really want to read it.

(spoiler alert!!) its about a boy who becomes a member of a secret group who works to free all men from oppression and tyranny. there is magic and friendship, some romance, fighting, some chases, big jeeps, talking animals, free running, martial arts and sword fighting. its kind of like fantasy salsa, there are even some miss spelled words and really bad grammar. the best part is- if it sucks I make changes as I go so your input can make a big change in the story. i have not yet added dragons, fairies or gnomes but its not over yet so who knows. I do love gnomes in case you are looking for a birthday gift wink wink.

lifes little lessons

2011-01-23T16:26:00.000-08:00

Some times in life we get the chance to learn a lesson, sometimes they are great lessons and some times they are small tidbits of information that prove to be helpful along the road. Well here is the one I learned this week. Stabbing yourself in the finger with an exacto knife is counter productive. I had planned on saturday to get my new radio controlled heli into the air. I have a new gyro and a few other parts to get it back together and functioning but first thing when I sat down at my wrenchin bench I picked up an exacto knife to cut a wire tie off and proceeded to stab myself to the bone. Heidi had just left out the door for a run and I had to call her back to help me. It needed stitches but I didn't want to go to the doctor and opted for the home remedy of super glue instead. The glue created a large wrinkled looking scab on top and didn't seal off the wound. I decided I didn't want to look at the ugliness and put a band aid on it. I figured when in doubt put a band aid on. well the band aid pushed the large super glue and blood scab into the wound and pressed the two pieces of skin apart like a wedge, instead of pulling them together. I tried picking it off but it really just hurt.

the other little lesson I learned is little things can be hard. things like tucking in your shirt, opening jars, turning on the turn signal, carrying boxes, carrying small children to their beds from the car, getting your wallet form your pocket, washing hair, tying a tie and so on. in the shower I managed to get the glue scab most of the way off. this seemed to have an odd effect on my head as I became woozy and had a strange desire to lay on the floor. once Heidi cut the rest of it off we got a butterfly band aid on it and that seems to be helping. well at least the skin isn't bulging out on one side. but it made a weird looking puckering at the end, should be an interesting scar when its all over.

Step into my office

2011-01-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

Thank you for coming in today. I have been reviewing your record and found a few things that concerned me. First since your position was created you have not really accomplished much for us here and in fact have been creating more work for others on the team. This is not what we had in mind when we brought you on. On further review it seems you may have also been using your position and influence to advance the careers and wealth of a selected few by means of misleading and false information. It has also been brought to my attention that you have been causing a serious division amongst the work force which has lead to a severe drop in productivity and in some cases actual physical altercations.

So it is my duty to inform you that your position has been dissolved and your services are no longer needed. Security will escort you to your desk where you may collect your Nobel Peace Prize, The keys to your beach front home and any other personal belongings. Good luck to you Mr Global Warming and remember to bundle up because its FREAKING COLD OUT!

I am Magic

2011-01-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

Yes it is true I am magic. I found out yesterday when I bought my magic floating ball. I was walking through the devils house, Walmart, checking out his goods at reasonable prices when I passed the Fushigi magic floating ball. It called to me. I ignored it. It beckoned me. I resisted. It's magic glowed from the box and it seemed to come alive, it begged me. I gave in. The magic on the box was so magical I had to pick it up. It reeked of magic. It was mesmerizing, A magic man on the box with a ponytail said it would float in mid air, it was beautiful and magnificent and only 9.98. A yellow smiling little devil confirmed the low low price. How could I put the Fushigi back on the shelf? It had called to me and I answered. The power of the Magic Fushigi would be mine, and at such a reasonable price too. I glowed as I wandered through the rest of the store or should I say H-E Double Hockey Sticks. I yearned for check out. Finally we selected a line, not too short but it had promise of speed. The heavily makeuped woman in front of us kept her visit with the neighbor she saw everyday, that happened to be passing by, to under ten minutes and it was our turn to convey our goods on the black belt and pay the man at the machine. I distracted him with chit chat about his oddly spelled name (Jerremy) so he wouldn't hear the Fushigi Magic ball call to him. Just in case it was a fickle Fushigi. Once we were home I opened it with great anticipation, it just sat there in my had, beautiful but not floating. I looked at the box again, the magic was still there printed in bright clear colors, the man with a pony tail, the Fushigi floating in front of him. Why was my Fushigi not floating?! I raced to the internet (the source of all truth and enlightenment) and searched. I found the magic pony tailed man doing amazing magic, he trained me as I watched and soon I was doing magic with my little f-ball. That's internet lingo for Magic Floating Fushigi Ball. It magically floated from one side of my hand to the other, it floated up my arm and back down. It magically floated off my hand to the floor with a loud thud, then magically raced at my wife's cheerio cabinet, no we don't keep Cheerios in it, we keep fragile things that look pretty, enclosed in glass so everybody in our bedroom can enjoy them. The Fushigi threatened to break our fragile nick knacks and I was banned from the bedroom with my Fushigi. And told to only do magic in the basement. The Fushigi wouldn't hear of it. Once out of eye sight of the nick knack guardian I was doing magic again. The Fushigi floated around my hand until I was in the kitchen where it again magically floated to the floor, this time on wood so it announced its magic properties with authority as it slammed to the floor. After several more magic floatings to the floor I became weary of the magic, it can really wear you out. I looked at my receipt and discovered that I had been charged 19.98 for my magic f-ball! what the crap was this magic? the magic price switch. I looked at the box, the magic was gone, there was just some nerd with a pony tail holding a ball on the tips of his fingers and on my desk sat a 20 dollar plastic ball. I guess it wasn't magic at all it was just me dropping the f-ball several times and no one was impressed.

worthless blog

2010-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

some blogs have many followers, some even make money, some are updated daily, some accomplish great things like telling the story of someone cooking everything in a cook book or following famous people around. mine is just a lazy good for nothing freeloader, kind of like my cats only worse. it just sits there molding away and collecting dust. it rarely has a story about the family to tell, it rarely has photos to share. it sometimes goes months without an update. I may have to break up with it. I was thinking of starting a new blog, one with lots of followers and tons of photos, one that is updated regularly and shares interesting insight into some complicated project. or even a golden goose of a blog that makes me money oh how sweet it would be. (pause for a day dream)

so consider yourself on thin ice moldy blog, dust yourself off and start pulling your weight or you will be out on the street. I'm sick of the way you carelessly leave my readers wanting more and share no insight or photos. this is the last time i will give you a free warning, its shape up or ship out. and I'll tell you this... my next blog will be way more snazy with decorations and fancy colors, well placed photos with captions, fancy stories of my heroic actions and triple digit followers. it will love me and my readers will feel satisfied with the wonderful updates and completely mezmorized by the magic beauty and colors the fancy shapes outlying the edges. it will be way funny and whitty. it will laugh with me and cry with me and dance in a medow of golden daffadills. AND IT WILL HAVE CORECT SPELLING AND GRAMMAR AND PUNTUATION. (hero walks out and slams the door, blog cries softly to itself. lights fade slowly, run end credits. commercial)

the week in review

2010-12-14T20:33:00.001-08:00

got home from disneyland saturday and took a break saturday and sunday, it was lovely to get off my feet for a bit. got the crew organized monday and out working and got work caught up. worked on my shed for several hours on monday and tuesday. hope to get the roof on and finish it this week. also pounded out over three thousand words on my book and its now just 51 words shy of 53000. it has been a ton of fun to write so far and I am really excited about the new stuff I have down. Heidi has been busy helping everybody every where she goes ever since we got home. and max now loves to read. of course the new deal of twenty min reading equals twenty min on the video game may be helping him love it. also got my new rc helicopter and I still have no idea who moe is.

Disneyland was awesome

2010-12-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

Heidi and I took a trip to California all by ourselves, we hit Disneyland and California adventure and the beach and some surf shops. it was a killer cool trip. Max stayed with grandma and grandpa Christiansen so our time was not dictated by a small person with a small tummy, small bladder and short legs. we hit whatever ride we wanted as many times as we wanted, ate what we wanted when we wanted and hit the restroom when it was convenient rather than an emergency.

Tuesday we had a magic morning and got in early, we did space mountain three times in a row first thing. space mountain is my favorite ride, we also did screamin like ten times. thats my second favorite. the longest line was probably about a half hour so not too big of a deal. small world was the longest line. all in all it was a ton of fun and i would do it again but I missed max so not too soon. when he's a little bigger i'm sure we will go more often.

Kristi and Jer met us for Friday and brought Hyrum, he was a trooper and not too needy but it still changed the dynamics to have a kid around. there were a couple rides he didn't want to do but he did them anyway, way to go Hyrum.

Small world 1

space mountain 6

matterhorn 3

thundermountain 3

haunted mansion 2

peter pan 1

tea cups 1

story book 1

splash mountain 1

indiana jones 2

jungle cruise 1

Pinocchio 1

pirates 3

california screamin 8

ferris wheel 2

swings 2

zephir 1

ill add any more i remember

new shoes

2010-10-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

I love my new shoes! I have, over the last few months, been expieriancing leg pain and over the past few weeks some intense knee pain finally followed by extreme foot pain.To say the least it sucked. I remembered that when I used to frame I didn't have trouble like that and I had a tool belt with like 30 lbs in it and on my feet for nearly ten hours a day. I wore merril boots at the time and decided to try another pair of merrils. In the first few hours the pain in my legs, feet and knees was gone. I love it. i was so excited I jumped on the treadmill and ran a mile, it felt great to move my fat self in an exercise type motion. I look forward to tomorrow which will be a full day of merril wearing. I bought them at cabellas for 109 and highly recomend to anyone with pain or loss of energy to try spending more than 20 bucks on shoes and see how you feel.

scugby

2010-10-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

I invented a new game, its awesome so listen up. its a cross between soccer and rugby, its played with a soccer ball and soccer nets, they may need to be smaller. to score you have to kick it into the net. no there is no goalie so feel free to kick away. You can carry the ball but it is legal to tackle if the ball is in your hands. you can not pick the ball up, it has to be kicked up. you have to have both hands on the ball while holding it or throwing it. All players must be within half the field of the ball so no goal tending or cherry picking. after playing I may decide on a time limit for holding the ball. to start the game the ref tosses the ball into a circle of players in the center of the field kind of like hockey but with feet instead of sticks. if you are tackled and still hold the ball just get up and run again, if you tackle and knock the ball away its yours if you can get it.

its called a GPS.

2010-06-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

People are great and I think everyone should know a few, but there is one thing they do that makes me more than a little insane. It's when they call for directions and give you their location as "I'm next to a stop sign, I can see some cows in a field." Or "I just passed a big gray building." This no longer helps as it may have 60 years ago since we now have several places where there are both stop signs and cows and we now have multiple gray buildings in any given city. Of course 60 years ago we didn't have cell phones to call people to tell them where you are. The worst is when they interrupt you telling them how to get where they need to be to announce more cows or another field. I sometimes will get the more precise location of "I'm on the corner of 600 west and 300 north." Then I ask, "Of what city." The reply to which is, "I don't know." How can I possibly give you directions to where you want to be when you don't know what city you are in?! "Well I got off at this exit and went this direction for a while then I turned at the church and then turned at the walmart." Again this would be fine if there was only one church or walmart per every sixty miles but our need for fairly priced nick knacks has caused an infestation of walmarts and well I do live in Utah so there is a church on every other corner.
To me, the concept that I can pay 80 bucks and have a device in my car that lets me know where I am at all times and gives me clear directions of how to reach a destination, well I think its heaven sent. How does it know I often ask myself. Of course it isn't always correct and you need to exercise good judgment when using it, but in my opinion well worth the money and everyone should own one and know how to use it.

number one worst way to die

2010-06-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

Lisa wanted me to finish my list so here it goes.

running through the woods trying to get away from a vampire you trip and fall down a steep hill, as you tumble you see a sharp spike sticking out of the ground that you are hopelessly heading straight at. despite your efforts to move one way or the other the shape of the hill keeps funneling you straight at it. finally you accept the fat that it will impel you and the vampire will find you and you will be stuck on a stick while a vampire sucks your blood like a little shishkabob. you close your eyes and wait for the impact. you finally come to rest and open one eye to view the damage and notice you missed the stick by only an inch. you look up to the top of the hill and see the vampire looking around for you. you hold still and watch, you realize he can not see you and hold still and wait. after a few moments he gives up and leaves. you realize you are lost in the forest, the hill is too steep and muddy to climb and the temperature is dropping you know it will be below freezing and you begin to look for shelter. you end up stacking sticks and branches against a log and crawling under it. there is enough room for a small fire in the hut so you gather small material for a fire. once you have it all together you lite it with your lighter and start to warm your self. then you here the vampire walking around so you know you have to put out the fire, there is nothing you can use and he is getting closer so you sit on the fire. it burns and the pain is incredible but you keep quite and watch as he walks right by your front door and does not notice your hut. you watch as he sits on the log and you can hear him sniffing, he sits and sniffs for a couple hours, you are cold, wet, muddy with burned buns. spiders start to wander into your hut and climb on you but you can't move, they climb all over you and you fell several bites. finally the vampire leaves. you wait another hour before you finally relax and start to move. you pull your lighter out to start the fire and it wont light. you start to rub sticks together but your hands are so cold they are numb and its difficult to feel what you are doing. after an hour or so your finally get a fire started. you start to warm up just as the sun comes up. you wander out of your hut and look around. about fifty yards from your camp you see a small farm house. you rush to the house and bang on the door. an old farmer meets you at the door with a shot gun. you tell him you were lost in the forest and he finally lets you in. he gives you a ride back to town and you wright a book about that night in the forest. everyone loves the story and hollywood is calling for the movie rights. then one day you are at a book signing and look up to see the first person in line is the vampire. you jump up and run as fast as you can to get away, as you run across a golf course you are hit by a line drive and knocked unconscious. they pick you up in an ambulance and on the way to the hospital there is a massive accident and you break nearly every bone in your body. as you lay in the hospital with every limb in a cast and completely tied up the doctor walks in looking at his clipboard. he lowers the clip board and you can see his face. its the vampire! the end

my favorite toy from the 80's

2010-04-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

I will start by telling a story that got me onto this thing again. Heidi and I were talking about something in the kitchen and max came and asked me to pull the arms off of one of my star wars lego guys. I was a little bugged and said no I don't want those taken apart go put the legs back on it. he then tells me that he as already taken some of the other ones apart. i said put them back together i don't want the parts lost. he then says "I don't know how." at this point i am a bit more bugged and I call out as he walks away "Don't take stuff apart you cant put back together." (not only hypocritical but dumb as every one knows little boys need to take things apart and leave pieces everywhere how else will they learn to do the same with a car later on) well my advise throws me into a flash back of the eighties. I had this toy, well it was THE COOLEST TOY EVER! the milton bradly Big Trak. it was a space like tank with a blue photon laser canon. it had six wheels and you programed in instructions then it would indicate it understood the commands and execute them then indicate it had completed the instructions with the same series of beeps. well mine stopped working and I took it all apart and could not fix it or get it back together. it was probably just batteries but i really wanted to see how it worked. needles to say it never worked again. thinking of it nearly made me cry.
i started to search ebay and the web to find one again and found video of them and the sounds were like this crazy warm fuzzy flash back of everything good that happened as a child.
I am proud to say that 2 from ebay are coming my way and I greatly look forward to photon laser canon fights with max in the kitchen. I have also made a new rule. any american boy should have a big trak for a proper child hood. luckily for all you who wish for a proper upbringing of a son they will be reproducing the big trak and they will be available this summer. they will also be making the big trak jr.

heidi made this for max's baptisim

2010-04-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

hallucinations

2010-04-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

i have never, that i know of, had a hallucination. however i hope that if i do have one where i am in the shower and in reality i am in a crowded room of people that the hallucination continues until i am home and fully dressed. yikes that would be awkward. especially if you knew the people. it would be better i think to happen at grand central station instead of at a family reunion or the like.

still working on my book

2010-04-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

i am nearly 30000 words into this now and have decided on a semi major rewrite. just gotta change some stuff up a bit but shouldn't be too hard. i was thinking when this is done i may do a series on an emo chick who sits in her room by herself all the time but loves this way older stocker type who sneaks into her room to watch her while she sleeps in her undies. he does it in the name of protection and even though his love and friendship could be the end of her life they share an unquenchable lust for one another. even when his friends and associates nearly kill her they can't stay away from each other. she has a really good friend who is lots of fun and likes her a lot but he doesnt watche her in her sleep so its a no go for sure. in the end she throws her life away to become more like him. its a real tear jerker i think everyone will like it.

snaz it up

2010-03-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

its time to snaz up this blog. i been meaning to get it done for a while but have not made it happen yet. i need some suggestions on where to find blog dresses that will fit my figure and style. hip, awesome and hot are some of the words i hear from groups of people i walk past so my blog dress needs to fit this criteria as well. so if anyone has a link to such an awesome site that would be sweet. i did a search for ugliest blog on the block and did not find what i was looking for. it really seems like that would be a real site so not sure what the crap is going on.
oh and some household news; i walked in my house today and could smell cat so out they went into the garage. the mother cat was a bit confused. i think she thought that since she had some "cute" kids she was now allowed to live inside. she was mistaken and i kicked her promiscuous little hind end to the garage. we put a small heater out there and built a little tent to hold the heat in so the kittens don't get too cold. i named them fry sauce and pepper but was out voted and they will probably end up with lame names like cuddles and smoochie or some barf crap like that.

moldy blog take over

2010-03-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

i have been working on this list of top ten worst ways to die. its a little gruesome and a little funny slash weird. its been an odd exercise of writing. i will soon be finished with it and move on. sorry to anyone who was grossed out by it. it was meant to make you cringe and laugh at the same time.

i recently took up a new hobby. i have been posting on someone else's blog. they have no idea yet. it makes me laugh because i post in the comments and so no one reads it. well i read it and it is funny to me. i was thinking of trying to figure out their password and make real posts but then everyone who is a follower will know about it so i am keeping it my secret... well until now and i told 14 people. its been good times for sure. i like to post the news that is going on in their life that they have forgotten to put up. anyway i may start looking for more moldy blogs to hi jack once they get wind of it.

number 2

2010-03-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

this one max came up with on his own. the funny thing, he didn't know I was doing this list, he had not heard anyone talking about this kind of stuff or anything. he just was sitting in the back seat of the car and started talking. its short but sweet.

you are looking at the sun for a long time and go blind then you are cutting down a tree with a chainsaw and slip and cut your stomach and all your guts come out. the end

number 3

2010-03-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

you are coming home late from work. your car dies on the highway in the woods. no cell tower near you, you hike back to town and buy a battery. walking back to the car carrying the battery and you see someone jumping your car to steal it. you start to run and trip and fall over the guard rail and off a cliff. you lay there with broken bones and can't move. the battery is on top of you and leaking acid all over you. as it eats your flesh, in the distance you can hear some campers listening to music loudly. they keep playing songs from the police and rod stewart. the end

number 4

2010-03-20T14:58:00.000-07:00

you are alone for the weekend, you are doing the dishes and your wedding ring slips off and falls down the disposal. you reach in to get it and while fishing around your other hand hits the switch and it grinds your hand up. you can barely move from the blood loss. there is a big hail and wind storm and you hear something crash through the basement window. a few hours later you are laying on the floor trying to get the streangth to get to a phone. you reach the phone and find the lines are dead. a family of killer quail has found the open window and come in for shelter. they have just been bitten by vampire frogs and they finish the transformation in your basement then come up stairs attracted by the scent of blood. you are lying on the floor watching viscous killer vampire quail coming over the top stair. the end.

top ten worst ways to die.

2010-03-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

number 10
you get into a grizzly car accident with a grizzly bear, she dies but her young start eating you. you go into a comma and are out for eleven years. you wake up and your spouse has fallen in love with the doctor and they are making out in your room. the nurse comes in and gives you the bill, you go to grab it but the grizzlies ate your arm. then the doctor slips you something and you go back into a comma but you can hear everything people say. you learn there are no more pigs which means no more bacon. everybody is talking about turkey bacon and how they can't tell the difference. you go crazy trying to yell at them. then you hear the doctor and your spouse plotting your murder and it involves poison injected with a needle into your eye. the end.

number 9
you are out sport fishing with your long lost uncle, you find out he is crazy rich and he wants to leave his money to you. he is very sick and will die soon. you stand up to get another drink and slip and fall on the knife you have been using to cut up bait, you are all cut up and bleeding. you get dizzy from the site of the blood, you trip and fall into the water and get all tangled up in some ropes. then you see great white sharks coming at you. all of a sudden an alien ship puts a tractor beam on your boat and starts to drag it out to the ocean, you get dragged behind the boat moving at a high rate of speed and sharks are following you, you can see them getting closer and closer. one grabs you just as the alien's beam you aboard. they decide to do an autopsy but get confused because you have a shark on your head they inject the shark with poison and kill it but start cutting you up, they pull all your guts out then the lunch bell rings and they all go on break you lay there with a shark on your head and your guts on the table till you die. the end

number 8
you are flying a plane and some kid with a pellet gun shoots at you during take off and you don't notice the leak in the fuel tank. you get over the desert and see some people stranded, they shoot a flare up to signal you and it catches the stream of fuel on fire and you watch it as it comes closer to the plane. you jump out thinking it will explode then the fire goes out and you watch the plane fly away safely. the people who are stranded come running up. they are so hungry they try to eat you. you smack them off with your shoes but can't get to sleep that night because they keep watching you holding forks and knives and napkins tucked in their shirts. the next day you get a really bad sunburn trying to get away from them. you get lost then find shade and try to sleep. you wake up to find your pillow is a baby Sasquatch and his mom is crazy mad at you, she beats you with a stick and leaves you for dead. you wake up to see a scorpion sitting on your chest. it stings you and you can't move. in the distance you see the cannibals looking for you. the end.

number 7
you are playing baseball as a major league pro. you just signed a multi million dollar contract. you are stealing second base and catch a line drive to the head. you're dizzy and don't know what way is up. suddenly there is an earth quake and you are swallowed up by the earth. you start digging to get out but you are digging the wrong way and dig to the center of the earth. you get to the middle and fall into a huge cave with a lake of molten lava. you are screaming and screaming as you burn then notice giant vampire moles coming out of their caves followed by millions of foot long cockroaches. the end

number 6
you have a popular late show on tv. the network decides to give you a better time slot. then you realize you work for nbc. the end

number 5
you are an alien. you and a bunch of buddies decide to fly down to earth with some boards and ropes and do some crop circles with your prom dates. the limo ufo drops you off and then runs to fuel up while you do the crop circles. his gps (galaxy positioning system) is out of whack and he runs into the moon. you are stranded with your prom dates on an alien planet with no dinner. you hear farmer joe coming with dogs and a big shot gun. you all run for the hills, you find a cave and run inside and hide. its cold and dark and your date is complaining. the next morning a bunch of guys in camouflage armed with guns catch you. they load you into a truck and throw a tarp over it. you are taken to a big building surrounded by tanks and helicopters and guys with guns. you are held there for days. you can see your date in the next room and your buddy is hitting on her. you find out your dad has been looking for you and threatened to blow up the earth unless you are released. they all say they are sorry and give you some ice cream. its peanut butter and you don't know you are allergic to peanuts, you fall on the floor and your buddy runs up to ask if its ok to switch you dates, you realize your about to die and don't have time to kick the crap out of him. the end

the rest will be up later...

promiscuity

2010-03-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

our little adopted cat is living a lifestyle that we do not teach in our home and the result of it is two new kittens. the looser no job father has not been seen for weeks and I am sure she will be wanting me to pay for her two little furry illegitimate children. i saved her little abandon butt from an apartment and this is how she repays me?! max and heidi are smitten by the little fur-balls and have had a bunch of visitors over to see the little wretches. i'm sure the cat is just loving all the attention and thinks this is a great way to get what she wants. "hey if i'm not getting the love i need i'll just pop out a litter of kittens and everybody will be all over me, with food and treats and petting and electric heaters." she is such a little plotter. if she insists on living such a lifestyle I will require she be fixed. i don't want to turn into the cat lady or some weird crap like that. ok so i set up the electric heater and i was the one who kept checking the box to see why she wouldn't leave it the past couple days. and i was the one who found the little guys and they are cute but i'm not gonna get suckered into her little attention trap!
(i'll post photos later.)

attitude adjustment

2010-03-07T13:00:00.000-08:00

before i start this post i want to first say this is not a feel sorry for me or any such, i just realized some things today and thought i would put them up. life has been going pretty well for us but we recently hit a few bumps. the furnace started acting up and had to be replaced, then all three cars check engine lights came on, well one a while ago but the other two joined in the party and last night we found a leaking pipe threatening to drop the basement ceiling and some interesting mold.
at one point i expressed some frustration with a bad attitude it was about 30 seconds long and i realized it was all just a test and that so far i was failing. i decided to get my attitude back in line and think of things a different way. i bet the pioneers would love to have my two trucks with check engine lights on. they would be amazed at what could be done with a rough running truck even if it only lasted till the tank went empty. thank goodness i have a furnace to act up and at least it wasn't the water heater too. and we found the leak and its in a pretty accessible spot where i wont have to pull down the drywall and at least its clean water not sewage. and i bet there are people in hati and chili or any number of places on earth that would love to trade for my troubles so i better stop whining like a spoiled brat and be glad I have the tools and know how to fix my own junk.
we got a great deal on a furnace and i replaced it my self, it was kind of fun and a bit of a pain in the rear. one truck probably just needs new spark plugs and i know how to do that. the other probably needs an oil change or other scheduled maintenance and the car needs a new cam censer and that will be less then 200 bucks (first quote was 600+)i can fix the pipe for a few bucks and a couple slivers, i handle mold all the time so no biggie. at the end of it my wife will think i'm a super hero and she will probably jump into my arms and kiss me on the mouth so it comes out pretty positive really.

my crawler

2010-03-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

this is the crawler I just finished building and then went out and broke. stupid tree!
coah put the video together for me.

keeping it light

2010-02-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

I decided to remove my last post to keep the blog light hearted and free of debate.
thanks for understanding.

valentine card shopping

2010-02-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

shopping for a valentines day card is an awkward experience for a man and must be done every year. this year I found myself at a local grocery store. I was looking for the greeting card section like a lost child. Just when i was about to throw down all my defences and ask for directions, I finally located it only to find there were no valentines day cards on the rack. I looked around to see where they would have moved them to and saw another man walking briskly to the section I was standing in front of. He had a disappointing look on his face once he made the same discovery as me. I walked to the back of the card isle and jackpot. the other man found the back side of the card stand as well walking the other direction around the isle. once we had both found what we had been searching for the awkwardness began. He has clearly recognized that I am a manly warrior type and now he is watching me look at pink and red cards with frillies on them. I must search through this rack of lovey dovey cards while he watches, he sees me pick up read and place back various cards and knows what it is i am reading. it isn't how to sharpen a knife, clean a rifle or rebuild a transmission its- i love you and kissy kissy kissy. he can't pick up the same card that i rejected or he will be showing some weird weakness, he also can't choose the same card I have chosen for the same reason and the same is true for me. it was in this awkward search that i suddenly found myself surrounded by four other men now looking for the right card to show their soft loving side to their wife while strong manly men look on. the awkwardness has just been compounded. I was lucky enough to find a good card with love and humor tucked behind a sign and make a quick escape without making eye contact. I had made such a quick decision that i could see other men reaching for the same card with some kind of wonder as to how good it must have been to make me choose and leave so quickly. ugh! I think valentines cards or tampons are about sixes for a guy to go pick up. actually I take that back tampons are easier. at least in the tampon isle the women are like wow what a guy to pick up tampons and they are impressed. in the valentine card isle no one is impressed.

guilt

2010-01-20T21:27:00.000-08:00

sometimes after a bacon double cheese burger i feel like i'm the worst vegetarian in the world, then i remember i'm not a vegetarian and i celebrate with a salami. mmmm stick o meat!

alien super computer

2009-12-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

alien space craft have been spotted more and more frequently lately. they have become more bold in their appearances as well, some sitings lasting as long as 30 min or more. bright lights flying slowly in tight formations over heavily populated areas have been filmed from multiple directions. local law enforcement have taken hundreds of reports from eye witnesses. these ships have been witnessed by thousands of people in large cities all over the world. but now the aliens have taken it one step further by installing at least one super computer here on earth, there may be more it is hard to say for sure as the information is still being gathered.
we do know it weighs about ten pounds and is constructed of some type of soft, almost fatty like material, it jiggles when shaken. this super computer uses a human body as a battery, and as if this sick display of total disregard for human life was not enough, the human battery is still conscious. it is carried by the human host where ever he goes. it is a constant burden and bulges from the belly of the man it was implanted in. the super computers purpose is as yet unknown.
the implant was done late at night while the man slept, there is no visible scaring or evidence of the mysterious surgery. the man does feel some tightness and muscle soreness on the right side just under the ribs. the biggest evidence is the obvious bulge. the man simply went to sleep on Christmas eve and woke on Christmas day with this hideous protrusion just above his belt.
how do we know so much about these events? well...that man is me. i will keep you up to date as i try to discover more about this super computer in my gut and why i was chosen to carry this burden. it saddens me to not be able to see my toes but with the help of family and friends i hope to uncover the mystery of the implant and may even attempt to have it removed.